The Graduate

Apologies to those who received a mistaken email last Wednesday: I clicked the wrong button. If you’d like an automatic email every time I do this (and also when I click the right one) then put your address into the box.

After the ceremony, dad lent his robe to a sinister-looking monk.

On Monday, I had the unusual experience of attending m’father’s graduation ceremony: Webber Snr. completed a Master’s Degree in History and was accordingly paraded around cental London wearing a festive-looking graduation gown designed by Vivienne Westwood.

According to Dame Vivienne’s Wikipedia article, she was “largely responsible for bringing modern punk and new wave fashions into the mainstream.” And I’m sure everyone will agree that King’s College picked a good fashion range to truly reflect my dad’s personality.

While I was queuing up outside to get a drink, someone in a similar robe came up to ask the woman in front – their mum – for a bottle of water. She said, “I’m not buying one of them, they’re £1.70!” I hope my parents will splash out on a drink at my graduation. Hint hint…

Surprise surprise, dad was the fourth-last of about 400 people to be presented with his certificate. All the way through the ceremony, I’d been wondering where the Principal was getting the scrolls from, since the pile on the table wasn’t getting any smaller. Then I noticed that there was a girl crouching behind it – who was still crouching there after all the dignitaries left at the end! Probably an undergraduate being punished for plagiarism or something.

Back on track…

falmer-station-fun-and-larksReaders may remember my joy at Falmer Station (see above and click to enlarge) last year. Well, two months later, someone from Southern Railway with the terrific name of Timothy Fife-Schaw has replied to the letter I sent them. And he sounded pretty damned ashamed of his company:

It’s very sporting of them to have goodwill towards me. Now I’ll have to go and spend that voucher before Timothy F-S reads this blog post…

Competition corner

Spot the difference between the two images below. The winner* will receive a free yacht worth £60 million.

*Competition not open to my immediate family or to anybody that works for the University of Sussex. Whether or not the word ‘works’ includes the Porter I will leave to his conscience.

Currant events (and other raisin-related news)

President Museveni doesn’t actually earn a salary so works part-time as a traffic warden.

This week’s Economy Begins at Home Award goes to the President of Uganda, who, when attending the 100th anniversary of the African National Congress, found that his accommodation didn’t provide food – so Yoweri Museveni sent his security detail out to Nandos to bring back some chicken, thereby providing a valuable example to the poor and malnourished in his own country.

This week’s Pillock Award goes to my good self for accidentally publishing draft blog posts twice in the last month – and thus spamming people with un-necessary emails. Sorry!

The Blimey, They’ve Lowered Their Standards! Prize is naturally awarded to the Ministry of Defence this week. According to the BBC, their employment criteria have been relaxed so as to allow travesties such as this to take place:

YES WE CAM(bell)!

Well he’s back from his Christmas holidays, but feeling slightly bloated from all that heavy food – too many meals from Ugandan Nandos I expect. What 1893 advice does Sir George Campbell MP have for those with a touch of indigestion? (Warning – you try this cure at your own risk *cough* emphysema *cough*)

Credits
In tonight’s production, the part of Howard Webber LLB MPA MA was played by a sinister monk with a blurry face. The Porter was  played by an understudy who didn’t turn up. The President of Uganda was played by Yoweri Museveni. The part of the pillock was played by Gabriel Webber. Sir George Campbell MP was also portrayed by Gabriel Webber, and was speaking, for some reason, over the El Salvadorian national anthem as performed by the Slovak Radio Symphony Orchestra. This was a Gabrielquotes production.

One comment on “The Graduate

  1. Howard Webber
    18 January 2012 at 12:32pm #

    I need the blurry-faced monk to return my degree certificate. “Dad” (whoever he may be)

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