Britain’s Best Bits

Ikea is in trouble for obtaining police reports on its staff. I don’t do this, but do encourage you to provide your email address, voluntarily, in the box on the right.

Last week, I walked past ‘Kaydees’ restaurant in Brighton, and was intrigued to see it proudly advertising:

BRITISH CUISINEHaving nothing better to do, and anxious to discover what this meant in practice, I took a look at the menu.

How quintessentially British. Penne Napoli in particular.

Will this stirrup any trouble?

This is wot Rebekah’s horse could of looked like

The phrase ‘you couldn’t make it up’ was actually written for this event. Rebekah Brooks, disgraced former person, was loaned a police horse by the Met “to save it from the glue factory.” Oh, and David Cameron “could have ridden” on it.

Nope, it doesn’t make any sense to me either. Why were the police going to turn their horses into glue, why does a 21st-century newspaper editor need a horse, and why should retired horses be subjected to inhumane cruelty like Rebekah Brooks?

Anyway, I think that this poor saved-from-the-glue horse has been put in a sticky situation and deserves to have a say (or, alternatively, a neigh), and here it is, entitled When I Was a Foal. The lyrix are here.

Political apathy

Being a deeply cool person, I took the book Comparative Electoral Systems out of the library, and was somewhat surprised to see that a previous reader had adorned the inside front cover with the words BORED DAMMIT!! in large letters.

I mean really, if you open a book about electoral systems expecting thrills and romance, you’re really setting yourself up for a disappointment.

Or so I thought, until I heard the trailer for a film coming out later this year, When the Ballots Fly.

I’ve also discovered another unexpected source of political excitement. Now call me paranoid, but don’t try and say that these aren’t spooky:

Finally: a good reason to boycott Israel?

I read a news article this week that brought me remarkably close to endorsing Sussex’s boycott of Israeli products.

Then I saw the picture of the alleged animal toe; I won’t include it on this page since some of my readers may be human beings, but it can be viewed here. (The story didn’t specify the animal from which it came but from the look of it, it was from one of Dr Seuss’ Once-lers.)

But then I relented when I read the statement said by the Sabra spokesperson: “The company uses rigorous quality control measures.” They clearly have a wonderful sense of irony and are, after all, worthy to provide me with dips!

Sussexballs: £9000 per annum paid for contributions“Interest groups that do not have insider status include prisoners.”

[A (Chinese) seminar tutor in a seminar on the Cold War in Asia…] “Chinese Communism was radically different from Russian Communism because the Chinese don’t need to eat meat, they can just eat cabbage. The Chinese have 29 different ways of preserving cabbage. Start eating cabbage: it’s the beginning of the whole story.”

[One lecturer treats us like mature adults…] “Who’s whispering? Why are you late? Do you know what this lecture’s about? [All: “The United Nations!”] Oh, you do know. Right. Who’s talking?!”

“To make sense of this I will have to look back in time.” [Unusual for a history course…]

“Some religious Jews opposed the State of Israel as they thought it should be left until the Second Coming of the Messiah.” [Or strictly speaking, the First Coming, as is the entire point of Judaism…]

Hey man!

The editor of Gabrielquotes wishes all its readers a chag sameach and a joyful Purim. According to the Book of Esther, King Ahasuerus was the father of ‘Darius, King of Media‘. Whereas now, he’d presumably name his son ‘Rupert, King of Media’.

Badgering away

I normally like this blog to display the unusual side of life. But just for once, I’m going to break with tradition: my article in The Badger this week involves me ranting against Nick Clegg. And there’s nothing unusual about that.

Competition corner

Like some of Devon’s best town newsletters, I’ve decided to include a competition corner. For all those who found my last ‘spot the difference’ challenge insultingly easy, here’s the same puzzle but made fiendish. The winner will win a retired police horse, good condition, one previous owner.

Some clues about the third image to get you started: producing this sign must have taken longer than the actual tea-break itself; it appears to spell ‘not’ with an M; it appears to spell ‘disturb’ with an L and and two Rs; it’s extremely stupid; erm; that’s it.

Credit the rolls
The Horse’s Song was produced by a committee; Gabriel Webber was in the saddle and hopes that it will, one day, become a colt hit. The music was composed specially by Gilbert and Sullivan. The Book of Esther was written either by God or by Richard Dawkins, depending on whether or not you’re a member of Bideford Town Council. This was an Gabrielquotes production.

1 comment

  1. Another great post Gabriel. They really do perk me up, especially after reading such captivating books as “Respiratory Physiology: The Essentials” and “The ABC of Clinical Electrocardiography”. Your whole blog reminds me of old times, so just keep on blogging.

    Chag sameach!

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