Are you done yet?

Some of you have lives of leisure, no exams to worry about, and absolutely no excuse for not putting your email address into the box to receive AutoUpdates™.

A pen what’s been worn away by overuse

For the last three weeks, people have been asking me, “Are you done with exams yet?” and even worse, people have been Facebooking, “Freeeeeeeeeee for the summer!” which is especially offensive due to the excess of ‘e’s.

No I am not done  yet. I have so far had only one exam and am running out of ways to procrastinate. I was going to waste a few hours turning a banana into a piano but dammit, some MIT students got there first.

Why can’t British politics be like this?

Who knew? Rupert Murdoch’s wife is a Greek politician.

The Greek version of Question Time erupted into sickening violence this week when a neo-Nazi MP threw water over two of his colleagues before deciding that that was a bit wimpy and punching them instead. Apparently the attack “shocked the Greek people,” who weren’t expecting the aggressor to leap out of the giant wooden horse that had been wheeled into the TV studio.

Kasidiaris is a member of the ridiculously-named “Golden Dawn” party. Other political parties in Greece include Moonraker, SkyfallQuantum of Solace and Euclid Only Live Twice.

I’m not actually sure what the argument was about (it’s all Gree…) but really wish Labour and the Conservatives would get their act together and engage in a bit of physical combat. The best we ever get is a bit of rough and tumble in the House of Commons.

Growing old

Some grown-ups (left)

A survey by a building society has produced a list of “50 signs you are an adult.” These include getting married (glad we had a survey to work that one out), recycling (clearly they’ve never heard of LJY-Netzer…), having a view on politics (they’re surely not suggesting that Nick Clegg is an adult?) and being able to bleed a radiator (they’re surely not suggesting that certain members of my close family are adults?).

On which note, I do qualify on the mum starts asking you for advice front, though not so much with the rather random criteria of owning a lawnmower and being sensible enough to remove makeup before bedtime – I’ve never done that.

Oh, and owning ‘best towels’ as well as ‘everyday towels’ sounds like an indicator of being middle-class more than anything. Astonishing what these surveys can tell you!

One sign that indicates I am not a grown-up was the massive glee I felt when watching this video of two ice-cream vans ramming each other, which was released by the BBC this week. They may have been in a violent dispute but I’m sure they complied fully with the Code of Practice on Noise from Ice-Cream Van Chimes Etc.

From my confidential (out)source…

It poured so heavily and incessantly all day on Sunday that I was uniquely irritated when the fire alarms went off to save us all from a particularly hazardous gust of charred potato fumes.

Even after Security declared the site habitable once more, after the customary 15-minute stand-in-the-rain, the alarm panel continued a particularly piercing and disruptive beeping. I called Security and asked them to pop back and fix it.

Two hours later nothing had changed other than the intensity of my headache but when I rang them again, the lady indignantly replied, “OK, give us time!” #ripeforprivatisation

Meanwhile, the cycle of history has repeated itself. This is not the first time that distinguished public servants have grappled with the thorny issue of privatisation. Oh no.

A hero of mine has his own views on the “bullying” tactics of private enterprise. And here they is:

The last bit.
In tonight’s episode, the University exam schedule was compiled by the Marquis de Sade. The bananaphone was created by the Massechusets Institute of Technology. The 50 signs of being a Greek adult were identified by a golden lawnmower. (Is this right? -Ed.) The University of Sussex Security Unit were using a horse and cart to respond to fire alerts. Sir George Campbell MP was voiced by Gabriel Webber, to whom he outsourced the function. This was an Gabrielquotes production.

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