Results Day cut-out-and-keep special

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Who says higher education is dominated by the upper classes?

Oxford and Cambridge have many famous exam-related rituals (see picture) as any fule kno, but readers of this blog will also be aware that Sussex has some traditions of its own when it comes to assessment and results.

As it happens, and rather thrillingly, today is Results Day. And since it’s Friday the 13th what could possibly go wrong, I hear you cry?

Well, here’s a quick and handy guide:

Best of luck to all my fellow soon-to-be-graduands and here’s to Sharon Jones remembering to work out everyone’s degree classification!

Don’t tell him, spike!

(“Anti-homeless studs at London residential block prompt uproar”, The Guardian, 7 June 2014)

Don’t Spy on Us (pls.)

Saturday at Shoreditch Town Hall saw a day of action by campaigners which went by the name of Don’t Spy on Us. The day was introduced by a video from Stephen Fry describing suveillance as “squalid and rancid”.

The Guardian reported: “The day of action is billed as the biggest privacy event of 2014, with more than 500 people attending the event.”

And their National Insurance numbers are…

No more of this blog post relates to the covert interception of private communications

The dock looks terribly cramped

The trial of Rebekah Brooks and six of her friends/ colleagues/ husbands/ ex-partners has been dragging on but it’s now nearing its conclusion. After substantial closing speeches from prosecutor Andrew Edis QC and counsel for the defence John Kelsy-Fry QC, the judge has now dispatched the Old Bailey jury to reach their verdict.

To give an idea of the length of the trial, The Guardian helpfully tells us: “In Mr Justice Saunders’ summing-up of the case, which is now in its 126th day…” – and 126 days seems quite long for a summing-up.

At this stage, Ms Brooks must be getting a bit worried, and to take her mind off it she’s kindly agreed to pen a small ditty for this blog. We’re honoured to present:

.
The trial continues.

The school of hard knocks

Michael Gove (pictured) has been in trouble this week after it emerged that sinister forces have been at work trying to take over Britain’s schools. And this time it wasn’t the Krillitane…

The Skin Game

The BBC reports that the Harvard University library contains a book tastefully bound in the human skin of “an unnamed female mental patient” who, readers will be relieved to hear, “died of natural causes” (yeah, that’s what they all say). I would have thought there might be some minor safeguarding of vulnerable adults issues with a doctor tanning the hide of their own patients, but what do I know.

Those skin-bound books in full:

• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fur
• The Goosebumps Series
• On Liberty by Chamois Chakrabarti
• That French hit The Little Leopard-Prints
• Skintin on the Moon
• Fifty Suedes of Grey
• Sherlock Holmes in The Adventure of the Resident Patent
• Johanna Spyri’s Hide-y
  
• A Tale of Two Kitties (spoiler alert: only one survived) (That’s enough skin jokes. -Ed.)

Five of the best

• Ha’aretz: Defeating boycotts of Israel by bringing pro-Israel, pro-Palestinian students together – you might have heard of the author before. (If you’re having trouble viewing the article then click here.)
• BBC News: Parliamentary canteen makes us fat, say South African MPs – I never knew Eric Pickles did time in Cape Town.
• The Telegraph: Police called to filming of 24 after local residents report hearing gun battle – clearly a mistake to use live ammunition.
• Buzzfeed: Monster Raving Loony Party in funding crisis – hopefully democracy will weather this storm.
• The Guardian: The gun lobby’s new tactic: redefining ‘school shootings’ so they don’t count – apparently it’s not technically a school shooting if it happens in the school parking lot.

Don’t spy on these people

In tonight’s episode, the privacy festivities were organised by ***, *** and ***. Charlie Brooks starred in Sitting in the Dock of the Bailey although perhaps Charlie Brooker would prefer the song. The University of Sussex was mismanaged by John Duffy (let’s face it, Farthing doesn’t have a look in any more). The skin jokes were absolutely purrr-fect and were written by me, Gabriel Webber. This was an Gabrielquotes production!