Tax credit where it’s due

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Don’t you just hate it when you have a bicameral parliament and one of the chambers doesn’t support your plans. David Cameron does.

That’s why he’s announced a “review of Parliament” (chaired by Lord Strathclyde, ie. a peer review) to see whether it’s appropriate that legislation which requires the consent of both Houses requires the consent of both Houses.

On the subject of the Gunpowder Plot, it’s coming up to Bonfire Night, and one can’t help but feel sorry for Guy Fawkes, who was forced to hatch a plan for the destruction of the whole of Parliament because there was no more refined, selective technique available.

Well, you can wave goodbye to that problem now. A new app, available on Android and iRA-OS, simplifies things enormously for terrorists who have to decide whether or not to use combustible material as a rudimentary way of setting fire to individual public servants:

Anyway, back to the Upper House: constitutional scholars point out that the Lords is there to be a revising chamber that, er, scrutinises legislation. But the government thinks the place is in need of some improvement. Or in other words, it’s a bit of a Fixer-Upper House:

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What an M&S

Extremism of the Daleks

The government has announced its new Counter-Extremism Strategy to cut down on extremists, ie. those scum of society who “express vocal or active opposition to our fundamental values” (who is ‘our’, one wonders).

Given that the Daleks also believe in cutting down those who express vocal or active opposition to their fundamental values, I thought it might be moderately amusing to have one of them read out bits of the strategy.

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Talking about extremists

A letter from Sion Labi, a pillar of the Jewish community’s flourishing right-wing scene, appeared in The Jewish News this week. It urged readers not to donate to refugee causes because “everyone seems to forget these refugees are Muslims” and are thus (his word) “the enemy”. They bring with them, he said, an ingrained Muslim anti-Semitism, and so Sion urged the community: “Don’t risk the spread of hate.”

Obviously we wouldn’t want to risk the spread of hate by all those f*cking Muslims.

In fact, the loopy irony of that comment was only trumped by the loopier irony of Sion’s preceding sentence: “Charity begins at home: think about helping hungry children in Israel.”

Yup, charity definitely begins at home.

There was an ambitious old woman who swallowed a fly

The ‘fen raft spider’, Dolomedes plantarius, was on the verge of extinction a few years ago. This maybe wasn’t such a bad thing as it eats live fish and is the size of a human hand.

But thanks to the sterling efforts of the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds – which seems to be suffering from a serious case of mission creep[y crawly] – these horrendous creatures are now breeding fast and hard in this very country – and not just in the Forbidden Forest. Volunteers have nurtured 1,000 nurseries of the wee baby “spiderlings”, each of which will produce 1,000 more.

Nice to see charities doing valuable work to make life better for people.

Incidents piratical

The Guardian had a headline on Sunday asking Are Somali pirates making a comeback? and pondering what action Western powers should take to prevent the menace.

Unlikely as the scenario sounds – pirates are so 2008 –it’s a risk that can’t be discounted. Why, tackling a group of pirates needs a vast array of specialised equipment, such as a ticking sound effect and… well, that’s about it actually.

But the question of British intervention in the Horn of Africa is an issue which is hardly new. Sir George Campbell had views on it as long ago as 1887.

As with all of his views, they’re just as relevant and enlightened now as they were when he made them 128 years ago. So sit down, take the weight off your political correctness, kick off those progressive values, and listen to this excerpt from The British Empire by Sir George Campbell MP:

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Save our bacon (more extremists basically)

The World Health Organisation has made the astonishing revelation that bacon isn’t especially healthy, but, of course, the whole thing was just a Muslim plot to rid the world of haram pig products.

Any idiot could work that out… and did.

As well as the Muslims taking over the world of health, let’s take a look at how they’ve simultaneously conquered the Radio Times:

• The Man in the Iron Mosque
• The Great British Sheikh-Off (nominated for an Emir Award)
• Angels & Demonisation by RamaDan Brown
• Prayer-calls of Praise presented by Allahd Jones
  
• It’s Always Sunni in Philadelphia
• Sharias of Fire

Five of the best

• YNetNews: The disgrace of Jewish extremism – spot on, which doubtless accounts for the slew of abusive comments from readers.
• The Independent: Five ways to chop an onion without crying – classic output from the newspaper that forgot what news looks like.
• The Guardian: A bad day for Chris Grayling – any extended attack on Chris Grayling gets my vote.
• The Huffington Post: Chris Grayling: a question of incompetence – ditto.
• BBC News: Can I be buried next to my Jewish mother? – an in-depth feature on American Jewry from the anti-Semitic BBC.

Kredi

In tonight’s episode, Princess Elsa had concerns about the House of Lords and Islamophobes told some porkie pies. Somali pirates and fen raft spiders both made a comeback. The extremist was played by Sion Labi and the counter-extremist was played by Nicholas Briggs. This was an Gabrielquotes production!