Negging the Bedouin

“If I sign up for email updates using the box on the right, keeping me up to date with this fabulous blog, for how long will that last?”
Quoth the raven: “Evermore.”

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JNF bedouin nightI can’t help wondering whether the JNF is engaging in systematic negging of the Bedouin. Negev-ing, even. There really is no other explanation for their bizarre combination of outright hostility and feigned caring.

The latest hare-brained scheme dreamt up by their UK branch is this month’s Bedouin Night do for the trendy Jew near you. Someone clearly thought to themselves, “Now is the time to get Jewish young professionals interested in ethnically-motivated land-grabs!”

Bedouin Night is being hosted by a central London hotel – so much classier than a bedo-’n’-breakfast – and costs £15, for two cocktails and a shisha pipe. It doesn’t specify whether desert is included.

The event would be fairly tasteless cultural appropriation as is, based entirely on the JNF’s limited, stereotyped understanding of ‘what it is to be Bedouin’: ‘exciting mysterious people who wear swishy clothes and smoke stuff’.

And just imagine how outraged people would be if the Palestine Solidarity Campaign held an evening with the following advert:

jnf bedouin event parody copyBut given the JNF’s relentless focus on eliminating the Bedouin way of life, the whole thing moves on from being tasteless and becomes utterly outrageous.

LATE CORRECTION:

A JNF trustee, David Berens, has clarified that the ‘take the piss out of the Bedouin while contributing funds to their destruction’ event is, in fact, “the exact opposite of racist”:

So my mistake. My apologies. Egg on my face.

All of the above is written in a purely personal capacity, as is all of the below and everything else on this blog.

A string to Jeremy Corbyn’s bow

poppy-corbyn-bow_3495088b[1]Here’s a question I received from one of my constituents:

Dear Gaby Weby,
I have a terrible dilemma. I’m trying to decide which party leader I should support. On the one hand, there’s David Cameron, who’s cut soldiers’ benefits and couldn’t be bothered to wear an actual poppy for a photograph.
But on the other hand, there’s Jeremy Corbyn, who’s consistently opposed the pointless risking of military lives in futile foreign wars, who’s spent time with veterans and current soldiers, who attended the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday wearing a real poppy and carrying a handwritten note, but who, when he bowed, rotated his upper body to less than 45 degrees.
I just don’t know which of these two people is best. Can you help?
Yours faithfully,
Mrs Trellis,
North Wales

Yes, this is the scandalous news that Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn showed horrendous disrespect to the dear departed by not behaving in precisely the way that The Sun thought he should of. He was accused of bowing “half-heartedly” – and complain as much as you like about Cameron’s Photoshopped poppy, when he bows he really puts his heart and soul into it.

The Telegraph asked etiquette expert William Hanson for his take. Hanson said:

Protocol dictates that  it should have gone down around 45 degrees from the waist. He barely did anything.

But then conceded quite sensibly:

It is his right not to bow and the people he was there to remember fought for our rights to do, or not to do, anything.

Tsk, people having the right not to bow whenever the press thinks one should? It’s political correctness gone mad.

Death with intervals

I went to see Bad Jews at Richmond Theatre last week (highly recommended, especially the line, “Do not Holocaust me!” – if only I didn’t get to use it 10 times a week…)

But excellent as the play was, that wasn’t the highlight for me.

richmond-theatre-barNo, the highlight was their new Interval App. Because you know, so often, you’re at the theatre, you’ve been sitting still for over an hour, then it’s the interval, you really want a snack but can’t face the extreme effort of standing up and walking two rows forward to the salesperson.

Well, no more! In Richmond, snacks come to you! Thanks to the marvels of technology, audience members can now have drinks and nibbles delivered directly to their seat, totally eliminating that 12-second walk to obtain full-fat dairy ice cream.

I love the 21st century and don’t see any downsides to it at all.

Another wonderful innovation

The human mind really is remarkable. What other species could come up with creative solutions to serious problems the way that we do?

This week’s featured invention will improve the quality of life of millions of parents around the world, by eliminating the discomfort caused when they step on their children’s toy bricks left scattered on the Wilton carpet.

Lego has just started marketing a sort of indoor shoe, a piece of light footwear designed to be worn around the house, keeping the wearer safe from sharp objects left on the floor.

legoThe new Lego shoe, or ‘slipper’ as it’s already being dubbed, was launched in France by company chair Anton du Bobble (pictured left) but should be in British shops in time for Christmas.

Don’t delay: pre-order yours now before they all sell out.

You could even consider buying two at once if you want to protect both feet!

It’s not brain Sturgery

Nicola in her school uniform

Nicola in her school uniform

First Minister Nicola Sturgeon appeared on Scottish Island Discs on Sunday, telling the listening public what items she’ll take with her when the electorate, disillusioned with another four years of domination by the English, finally banishes her to the lonely isle of Barra.

Her choices were as follows:

Music: Crazy Beaten by edinBlur, plus the spiritualist hymn glasGo Tell it on the Mountain

Book: Ms Sturgeon opted not to have a book as she’s “more than satisfied with the most beautiful line of Shakespeare, ‘tartan is such sweet sorrow'”

Luxury: David Cameron – “selflessly giving up her luxury to keep him away from the rest of Britain”

Bloody polls, coming over here, taking our jobs

4622986-3x4-340x453A poll of British Jews by professional, independent pollsters Ipsos-Mori and City University London found, not altogether surprisingly, that people’s opinions are less obnoxiously right-wing and racist than our community’s loudest, most obnoxious and racist right-wing voices would seem to suggest.

In fact, over half of British Jews consider Israel to be an “occupier” in the West Bank, and 75% believe that settlement expansion is a barrier to peace. More than two thirds experience “a feeling of despair” whenever more settlements are approved.

The report also found that those British Jews holding hawkish (right-wing) views “substantially overestimate the percentage of people who agree with them”.

Some of these hawkish Jews aren’t too happy about a group of qualified pollsters exposing them as the minority. Arguments raised to criticise the methodological rigour of the poll have included:

  • @NorthWestFOI: “The findings can’t be correct because we have 3,500 members.”
  • @RoslynPine: “It’s all lies.”
  • @SadCJP: “It’s not a proper poll because nobody asked me.”
  • @MikeSG: “Are you seriously saying that polling just 1,131 people out of 300,000 can possibly be representative?”
  • @SimonCobbs1: “Yachad just asked its mates.”
  • @SJake62: “You’ve been rumbled!” [no further detail provided]
  • @MRankoff: “It’s all because British Jews listen to idiots like you.” (Surely this is actually a veiled compliment? -Ed.)
  • @Netanyahu: “I resign.” (Stop being wishful. -Ed.)

Also interesting, though, is a comparison between the professional poll Yachad commissioned from qualified academics, fiercely attacked as “biased” and “rigged” by Sussex Friends of Israel; and this poll which appeared on the Sussex Friends of Israel Facebook page earlier this year:

11694039_10153484659639973_1433361860521612810_n

I have a feeling of despair right now, I’ll tell you that much for free.

Swing low, sweet sharia

The tragic events in Paris have, obviously, caused an Islamophobic backlash. The backlashers seem to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that their reaction is exactly what the terrorists wanted.

In particular, social media became incensed about the subversive ‘Muslimisation’ of Europe. Here’s the rational, lucid concern one Twitter user had:

So it might surprise him to know that the very earliest, first ever reference to sharia law creeping into the British legal system had precisely the opposite worry: the speaker in question thought that in Islam women had too much freedom.

from the desk of sir georgeSir George Campbell – for it was he! Yes, the first ever complaint about sharia law entering this sceptered isle came from him – was speaking in an 1881 debate in the House of Commons:


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Five of the best

Подяки

In tonight’s episode, Jihadi John was played by some joker from the JNF in a jelaba. The poll was conducted by IPSOS-MORI and the wave of insanity that followed its publication was courtesy of Nutshire Friends of Israel. Hundreds of potentially wasted calories were saved by Richmond Theatre. This was an Gabrielquotes production!
(Psst… Jeremy! It’s the end of the show. You’re supposed to bow. -Ed.)

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