Students speak out for Leave campaign

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malia-bouattiaStudents from Oxford, Cambridge, Manchester, Birmingham, York, Exeter and Aberystwyth universities, along with King’s College London, are urging their peers to Vote Leave, following the election of Malia Bouattia (pictured far left) as President of the National Union of Students.

The campaign to disaffiliate from NUS gained traction when delegates to the organisation’s National Conference controversially elected a candidate all but guaranteed to oversee the rapid decline of the student movement, and to be summoned before a forthcoming Parliamentary inquiry into anti-Semitism.

“Over 60% of our policies are enacted by NUS,” said a spokesperson for Oxford’s Leave campaign, Votey McVoteface. “The NUS makes us less safe. It gives us less control over our own campuses. We have one big chance to reclaim our sovereignty and we have to seize it with both gowns hands.”

But a spokesperson from the Union of Jewish Students’ Remain team said: “We’re better together. The NUS is a democratic institution, and if we stay inside it we can help carve out a special status for ourselves.”

The Union of Jewish Students’ treasurer has also released a series of formulae demonstrating the economic advantages of remaining within NUS:

UJS NUS formula

x = percentage benefit of remaining within NUS
c = proportion of campuses with a JSoc
L = proportion of loony-lefty delegates at NUS National Conference
P = relative influence of Palestine Solidarity Campaign
B = the Brady Constant
j = current level of Jewish control over the media
d = Board of Deputies’ annual block grant to UJS, currently £0

The voting continues, as does the traction which Malia Bouattia is giving to anti-Semitic tropes.

Picture by Asadour Guzelian STORY RE: George Galloway, the Respect candidate in Bradford West, has called on the Director of Public Prosecutions to charge his Labour opponent Naz Shah with perjury over evidence she gave in the trial of her mother for murder and the subsequent appeal. He has also referred her to the DPP over claims she made under Section 106 of the Representation of the People Act which concerns false representation. STOCK IMAGE of Naz Shah taken on Thursday 2 April 2015.

In other Jew-hating news, Labour MP Naz Shah (pictured left) has been in trouble for suggesting on Facebook that the world would be a better place if Israeli Jews were forced to relocate to the United States.

Her slightly odd defence was centred on an insistence that the comments “did not reflect [her] views”. In which case one wonders why she chose to post them on her Facebook page. Very odd.

Naz currently sits on the Home Affairs Select Committee’s inquiry into anti-Semitism, which means she could shortly  be forced to cross-examine herself.

Sources close to Ms Shah have conceded that, on balance, the world might be a better place if she were forced to relocate to the United States.

It’s a gift

obama father christmasThere are very few perks to being POTUS. Long hours, media intrusion, no state-funded healthcare unless you write and enact your own legislation providing for it.

But President Obama does get a few pressies as part of his job, as we discovered from the annual list, just published, of all gifts received by US government employees over the last 12 months.

Obama received a few windfalls, including valuable watches, gold statues and so on. All of which kind of put to shame David Cameron’s gifts to the President, a “computer USB accessory” and a “blanket with a red and black pattern” – sounds more like a Virgin Atlantic flight than a state visit.

The Prime Minister of India was recorded as having given a “framed painting, mostly green (oh art: it brings out the poet in us all), while the President of Kenya gave an “elephant tusk gong” which will come in handy in summoning elephant tusks to dinner. The Sultan of Brunei, meanwhile, donated “fanciful chocolates”, which is somehow exactly the sort of thing I’d always imagined the Sultan of Brunei would give as a gift.

The list doesn’t just record the items received though. It also details what happened to them. For example, the “box of dates” gifted by the President of Algeria was placed in the National Archives (yuk), whereas the “bottle of 1945 port” from the President of Ukraine was clearly a more urgent case, classed as a “perishable item” and, er, drunk.

Meanwhile, a senior official in the Department of State was given a “ladies’ mother of pearl and rose gold watch”, and this has been “retained for official use in the recipient’s office”. One wonders what The Honourable Alan Bersin will do with such a thing.

Scariest, though, was the “silver sword” donated by an anonymous donor to the CIA. What happened to this sword? It was “retained for use in the Director’s office”.

The UN Human Rights Council investigation continues.

I call app Britain

Imagine the most dispiriting news you’ve ever heard and then multiply it by 94.

Yes, it turns out that the inner circle of Tories campaigning to remain in the EU has a WhatsApp group, as, apparently, does the Cabinet. Lucky they decided not to ban it really. Well, despite the all-new WhatsApp encryption algorithm, you’re lucky lucky readers, because Gabrielquotes can exclusively bring you an excerpt:


PCCs in brief

01VolvoPoliceCarThe PCC elections are fast approaching; Britons get the chance to choose who is best-placed to administer their police forces for the next four years; Gabrielquotes checks out some of the runners and riders.

  • In Surrey, incumbent Kevin Hurley promises to crack down on “anti-social louts”, a phenomenon of which he has particular personal knowledge, being one himself. Meanwhile, his UKIP competitor, Julia Searle, used a newspaper interview to share her astonishing belief that the police “have a role to ‘uphold the law'”.
  • In Kent, Steve Uncles of the English Democrats sensationally confirms“I am English, I was born in England, and support England in sport.” A well-qualified candidate there.
  • In South Yorkshire, Ian Walker (Tory), says that his role “involves expanding the front-line police that we have” – perhaps by putting them on a diet of poutine and doughnuts.
  • In Essex, Martin Terry is standing under a banner of ‘Zero Tolerance Policing ex Chief’ (Now where have I heard that before? -Ed.) and comments that “community safety is in my DNA” which is a bit vomit-inducing.
  • Down in Sussex, UKIP candidate Charles Lowe has controversially decided to abandon all grammar as regards  the apostrophe – no rule of law for him. He expressed a wish to “protect front-line policing”, as did the Labour, Liberal Democrat and Conservative candidates; only the Greens were suspiciously silent on the topic.

Privacy injunction: latest

A young boy is seeking a High Court injunction to prevent the publication of intrusive press photos of him “in sleepwear.

prince-george-obama-bath-robeThe photo, which appears to show the boy (identified only as George) in a state of readiness for bed, being kept awake by a number of men in positions of power, has been passed to officers conducting the Operation Yewtree investigation into child abuse by politicians.

For legal reasons, we cannot comment further at this stage. And also we cannot comment further because the whole Royal family thing is soooooooo dull and overdone at the moment.

  • In other news: Prince died
  • In other other news: Board of Deputies accuses media of anti-Semitism for not reporting the fact that the famous dressing gown was made by a Jewish company
  • In other other other news… Er, that’s it.

Another profession bites the dust thanks to technology

The author of this blog likes a funny gag or two

First it was calligraphy, then the pigeon post; now the next venerable profession to meet its end is that of kidnapping.

Senior abductors voiced concerns this week as police in California announced a massive rise in the number of ‘virtual kidnappings’, in which a criminal calls a victim to tell them that a relative is being held hostage and demand a ransom – all without the trouble of actually taking hostages at all.

“It’s all about instant gratification now,” bemoaned Ronnie ‘The Snatcher’ Benson of Letsby Avenue Abductions, the last family-run firm of kidnappers still in operation in Britain. “Back when I was starting out in the business, clients wanted a bespoke service from initial scheming to final release. These days, people just expect the ransom to roll in without investing time in manacles, cellars and the rest of it.”

But Chantal Smith from Wronga Payday Quicknapping was more upbeat. “There’s always been change in this market. Chloroform made a big impact. Disposable SIM cards made a big impact. Fifty Shades of Grey gave our work a whole new dynamic. Going virtual is an obvious next step. We’re ready to go – and Europe’s open for business!”

Pork barrel politics

Research into the effect of government cuts has sensationally and surprisingly revealed that Cabinet ministers’ constituencies tend to be less badly hit by austerity than other areas of the country.

from the desk of sir georgeSo, because he’s an expert on political ethics, and because today is actually his 192nd birthday, we’ve decided to let Sir George Campbell give us his insight into this issue:


Passing over the Labour Party

jeremy-corbyn-sootyLabour leader Jeremy Corbyn released a message to the Jewish community, wishing us well over Passover.

The Jewish community was characteristically ungrateful. “He cares little, empty greeting” complained one person. No doubt if Corbyn had chosen not to issue a seasonal greeting at all, that would have been preferable then?

“He no more wishes us happy Passover than I wish to travel into outer space” came one, slightly more obscure, condemnation.

The best criticism, though, was:

Somebody got paid to write that for him. That’s all.

NO! Not employment! The fiend! How dare the Leader of the Opposition sub-delegate any of his job to paid staff? You’d never catch truly great men like Cameron or Netanyahu or Judah Maccabee having paid staff to draft press releases for them.

Choosing to spend his budget on paying staff to wish the Jewish community a happy Pesach? Must be an anti-Semite.

You guys…

Well, as the Prince of time is cremated in the private ceremony of destiny, and the student leader of fate calls out the Zionist conspiracy of eternity, it seems to be the end of the blog post.
In tonight’s episode, the Sultan of Brunei was played by Willie Wonka, and George Alexander Louis played the heir to the throne formerly known as Prince. Jeremy Corbyn was played by John Hurt. Malia Bouattia was portrayed by a stereotyped version of herself. This was an Gabrielquotes production!


  1. Thankyou for the write-up.

    Naz Shah is an anti-Semite. Full stop. She said so in unequivocal terms herself in her humiliating, stuttering “apology” to Parliament yesterday!

    Enough is enough. Naz Shah must now be swiftly removed *permanently* from the Labour Party.

    If not, Labour will be saying that Naz Shah’s support of Hitler and a policy to forcibly removed millions of Jews from where they are currently residing is acceptable, and will lose the party many votes at forthcoming elections.

    As the other comments here say, the Labour Party is becoming a front for very unsavoury anti-Semitic views with characters like Naz Shah in it. It’s damaging for our democracy. Permanently remove the Labour whip from her now and make her step down as Member of Parliament!

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