Channukoid news hot off the trouser press:
MP demands International Menorahs’ Day
Controversial MP Philip Davies (Con-man) used a speech in Parliament to demand not only an International Men’s Day but an International Menorahs’ Day.
“Everything is about women these days,” the MP told MPs. “Now here we have one good, pure word that still starts with the syllable ‘men’, that the political correctness Nazis have not yet maliciously feminised: why would we not celebrate this with a special day each year?”
Reminded that some people actually celebrate the menorah for eight days each year, Davies responded, “But they’re all Muslims aren’t they.”
Davies’ website lists his slogan as “Your interests, not self-interest”, but this might be a typo given his extensive pursuit of his own pet subjects including making carers pay to visit hospitals, freeing landlords from the “burden” of making their properties fit for human habitation and introducing a lower minimum wage for the disabled because they do less work – all issues of only tangential concern to his constituents.
Fat-shaming leaflets blasted as ‘insensitive’ by CST
Communal security chiefs have hit out at the “unknown paramilitary anti-Semitic” group which has been handing out fat-shaming leaflets to commuters on the London Underground.
“Handing out these leaflets was grossly insensitive,” said Mike Whinge, CST Director of Non-Counter-Pro-Counter-Anti-Semitism. “Everyone knows that this is a time of year when London’s Jewish community wants nothing more than to tuck into a plate of doughnuts or fried latkes.”
He continued: “It is no coincidence that these so-called ‘fat-shamers’ chose now to give out their leaflets condemning a well-known Jewish practice. They are nothing but blatant Jew-shamers.”
Other news in briefs
- Donald Netanyahu calls for all Greeks to be excluded from the State of Israel
- David Cameron denies that new Director of Dreidel Health Services is ‘euphemism for spin doctor’
- Geoffrey Alderman confirms Cumbria floods ‘just God’s way of stopping BDS’
- Labour Party pressure group Momentum ‘totally denies’ letting pigs loose in party headquarters
- Sports Direct ‘searches all staff for stolen oil’, Guardian report reveals
Join us again tomorrow for the next entry in the Channukadvent Calendar!