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A now not-so-new column documenting one sarcastic so-and-so’s hunt for full-time employment.

• Role: Programme and Paranoia Manager
• Employer: Campaign Against Anti-Semitism
• Employer’s history: This group of self-appointed activists see themselves as the only thing standing between Anglo-Jewry and the gas chamber. They shot to prominence around a year ago after running an unscientific survey which concluded that everyone in the world is an anti-Semite. It was later painstakingly demolished in an episode of BBC More or Less.
• Salary: £25,000 plus commission on anti-Semitic incidents provoked
• Application process: Candidates must write 300 words on the topic, “What is lacking in the response to anti-Semitism today?” (Correct answer: ‘a plethora of Nazi comparisons’.)
• Advantages: Opportunity to be scared witless full-time: like a ghost train that they pay you to ride
• Disadvantages: being scared witless full-time

Join us again tomorrow for the next entry in the Channukadvent Calendar!

Buzzfeed recently ran a listicle: 22 times we reached peak Guardian. It featured headlines such as ‘The avocado is too everywhere to be aspirational’, ‘How not to let kale ruin your marriage’ and ‘George Osborne ruined my yoga retreat’.

But that just shows how anti-Semitic they are to choose a non-Jewish newspaper as their focus.

To remedy that for Day 2 of our famous Channukadvent Calendar, and indeed to go two better, Gabrielquotes dot org dot uk is now proud to present:

24 times we reached peak JC

1. Oh shit they’re EVERYWHERE!

2. Life screws over the Jews  AGAIN!

3. Privilege shmivilege

4. Thank G-d they didn’t have a pogo stick too!

5. You get it Britain? We’re OUTTA HERE!

6. First they came for the pasties…

7. He’s even infected the Employment Tribunal!

8. If there’s one thing worse than the Nazis it’s WOMEN DRIVERS!

9. I said DON’T say we’re privileged!

10. Strictly is for Brits and Israelis ONLY, got it?

11. Climate change is obviously G-d’s way of beating Hitler

12. Remember, it’s not the Jews who control the media, IT’S THE MUSLIMS!

13. And after all we’ve gone through, now the VETS turn on us?

14. Finally some JC honesty…

15. Well what else can you expect?

16. People have inadvertently eaten horse but at least that means more money for us, eh

17. People have inadvertently been killed by terrorists but at least that means more money for us, eh

18. We just have nothing to be modest about!

19. The JC on one leg:

20. We’ve all been goebbling up these cakes not knowing!

21. We’re under siege, STOP trying to prevent catastrophic global warming!

22. They attacked him. He’s a Jew. Go figure.

23. If this shocking stat is true it’s time for us to put all our faith in Israel.

24. It’s also like SOAS.

Join us again tomorrow for the next entry in the Channukadvent Calendar!